Kaspars Ģērmanis
The title of this essay would have been a little bit different if I had spent five more days in Odesa as planned. “50 days in Ukraine, 1,005 days in war.” That would be a neat summary of my time in the country, where I visited several cities and experienced everyday life. That’s what this essay is about: personal feelings in a country engulfed in war. However, because of the Russian air attack on Odesa on November 18, I changed my plans. I left Ukraine on November 19 — the 1,000th day since the full-scale war began on February 24, 2022. I left not so much out of fear — I was already used to the sirens warning of air alerts, and I had experienced the attacks of the Iranian Shahed drones. Odesans themselves told me not to stay, and I guess I understand why. They have seen and experienced too much to watch others take unnecessary risks. It’s not about courage anymore; it is about living in permanent stress, where one grows tired of heroism, courage, and killing. Nobody talks about these qualities. There is just a wish to have a normal life.
A Brief Introduction About Myself and Ukraine
This was my sixth and longest visit to Ukraine, and my second during the full-scale war. My story with Ukraine started when I was around 13 years old. I played ice hockey, and my team participated in the Eastern European Hockey League competitions. Latvian, Belarusian, and Ukrainian teams took part in this tournament once a year, and we went to Kyiv. Back in Latvia, people asked me how it was: “Did you like Ukraine?” I answered, “Yes,” and it was an honest answer. Later, as a volunteer in Switzerland, I met other Ukrainians with whom I still have very friendly relationships.
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