As the U.S. Military eagerly prepares for a war it wants to avoid while manifestly ignoring the competition it claims is necessary to avoid it, the Navy has found itself thrust back into the budgetary limelight. “Given all the water in the Pacific Ocean, we’re counting on a large set-piece battle against China to be a real fiscal winner,” said the excited Navy CNO Admiral Lisa Franchetti. After slogging through decades of war in inconveniently land-locked desert countries, the Navy is relishing the opportunity to finally divest its tan uniforms and fight over countries with beachfront property.
The Defense Department seems to agree. Secretary Lloyd Austin said, “America has been throwing money at a land war for two decades, and look where that’s gotten us. Now it’s time for a strategic shift. So we’re going to instead throw a ton of money at whatever shiny new stuff the two remaining shipbuilders not yet owned by the Chinese say we should buy. That’s how America can dominate a fight in the Pacific. Against China.”
Suddenly feeling left out of the party, Army Chief of Staff General Randy George has “floated” an audacious plan to ensure its participation in a fight in the Taiwan Strait. Called OPERATION UNSINKABLE, it is an initiative to retrofit tanks to allow large-scale division armored maneuvers in the Pacific and ensure continued budgetary relevance for the Army. “Gentlemen,” General George said in a press conference, “great power competition is now the name of the game… competition for dollars against the Navy, that is. And we’re gonna win!”
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