May 1, 2016
Earlier this week, a young Pakistani woman wrote a candid piece online about her premarital sex life in Islamabad. Alleging that Pakistanis watch more porn privately than any other nation in the world (she didn’t quote her sources) while publicly maintaining a façade of piety, she took them to task for being a bunch of sexually repressed hypocrites. She didn’t just dole it out, she was pretty forthright about herself. She listed the number of partners she’d had (a dozen by the age of 19) and described the location of her trysts (cars, expensive hotel rooms, and once her boyfriend’s father’s office which had an attached bedroom – your surprise is not unmerited).
But she didn’t have a great time because of all the secrecy, lies and subterfuge involved. And the fact that her partners were an unadventurous, boring lot.
She had the gumption to write all this under her own name: Zahra Haider. Miss Haider currently lives in Canada where she is dating non-judgmental, non-Pakistani men and having, by her own account, a fulfilling experience.
Meanwhile in her home country, the proverbial s*** has hit the fan. Her compatriots — most of them men, I must add — have spewed their fury, outrage and disgust in a stream of abusive tweets. Admittedly a few have also maintained that her private life is her own business. I won’t go into what some have threatened to do to her but suffice it to say she has been denounced for all manner of sins. She’s a liar. She’s a slut. She’s brought shame to her family.
Shame to her name. Shame to the nation. (Funny how any number of factual reports of child abuse, gang rapes and honour killings don’t bring the nation into disrepute but one woman’s personal views on sex between consenting adults disgrace us all.) No doubt it’s only a matter of time before Miss Haider is also accused of being a traitor. Obviously she’s been put up to it for some vast but undisclosed sum by the enemies of our nation to ‘show us in bad light’. Obviously she should promptly pack her bags and shove off to the decadent, immoral West where she so clearly belongs. Were she not already there.
By far the weirdest accusation being hurled at her comes from a fervent supporter of Imran Khan’s opposition party, PTI. In a truly bizarre stretch of the imagination, this particular rant holds PML-N,
Stealth of nation: Zahra Haider’s real crime is that she’s been candid about her love life and worse, found her Pakistani lovers wanting
the ruling party, responsible for the shame heaped upon the nation by Miss Haider’s shocking disclosures. Why? Because she was once the class fellow of Maryam Nawaz, the Prime Minister’s daughter. Yes, go figure.
Quite clearly, Miss Haider has become a lightning rod for all sorts of ugly prejudices, insecurities and anxieties. It is worth stressing that what she says in her article is hardly revelatory. We all know that there’s plenty of pre- and extra-marital sex around, and has been forever. That we like to deny its existence for reasons of honour or propriety is no secret either. In providing her own evidence, Ms Haider has made clear the disconnect there. All she’s asked for, really, is more openness and honesty.
I can see why her demand has discomfited many. She’s asking for a fundamental change in societal attitude, one that goes against millennia of custom and tradition. When that change involves women, men go ballistic. If any evidence were needed simply consider the bitter opposition to the Punjab’s protection bill for women. But I suspect Miss Haider’s real crime is that she’s made so bold as to talk of her love life openly and worse, found her Pakistani lovers wanting.
The depressing fact is that men the world over resent outspoken, confident women. The Guardian newspaper recently ran a survey in Britain investigating online abuse experienced by its writers and discovered that female columnists, particularly non-white female columnists, were subjected to much greater, much nastier trolling than their male counterparts. Had Miss Haider’s article been penned by a man, I’m convinced it would not have generated half as much controversy as it has. But because she’s a woman, and a desi woman at that, she must be put in her place. Misogyny is rampant everywhere but online it is out of control.
Though it pains me to admit it, I’m not surprised by the viciousness. For that matter, Ms Haider couldn’t have lived in Pakistan for 19 years and not known that. But she wrote it any way. So kudos to her.
No comments:
Post a Comment