Weighty canine connections

Weighty canine connections Parbina Rashid

I have not read Rujuta Diwekar's “Women and The Weight Loss Tamasha” but I have a fair idea of what the author wants to say. As a lifestyle journalist, I have to edit columns on weight loss, fitness experts’ opinions on sustainable weight loss, dieticians offering platter-full of wonder diets and gyms coming out with innovative steps to lose those loathsome calories.

But nothing had ever enticed me to try out any of those. Not even the alluring walking trail of Sukhna Lake could sustain my interest for more than two days. Too much of hard work! Besides, by Punjabi standards, I am not fat, just pleasantly plump!

However, my recent trip to Guwahati turned out to be the starting point for my weight loss “tamasha”. Travelling from Punjab, I was just on time to catch my afternoon flight. After crossing the security check, I didn't even have to look at my boarding pass to spot the gate that led to my flight.

The queue that had the maximum number of girls wearing shorts was the gate for the Guwahati-bound plane. Naturally thin and willowy, Northeastern girls can carry off shorts as if they were born in it. Instinctively, I looked down at my mid-section. The bulge was visible, even through the loose kurta, but so what? I had my 5 feet 8 inch tall teenaged son to justify that bulge!

As soon as I boarded the plane and made myself comfortable to the soothing tune of Eagle's intoxicating Just Another Tequila Sunrise, I forgot about the weighty issue. Such a refreshing change from our Yo Yo’s disgustingly fattening “Char Bottle Vodka”!

By the time I reached home, it was time for high tea. Evening tea in Assam is not just high but heavy too. No one would bat an eyelid if you offer them biriyani or lucy (the Assamese version of Punjabi puri) for tea.

As I was gulping down the biryani and kebabs cooked by my mother, Jackie, our three-legged dog, joined us. Jackie’s entry into this world and our home was a dramatic one.

One rainy night, a stray dog came into the verandah of our house and delivered a baby before she died. My sister brought the baby inside and nurtured her so well that Jackie never in her life acknowledged that she belonged to the canine family.

The only time she showed interest towards the animal kingdom was when she found a cat to chase. During one such chase, her leg got entangled in a protruding iron rod and she broke her limb. Several visits to the vet couldn't make her limb straight and eventually Jackie learnt to walk with three legs. But the flip side was weight gain due to lack of exercise.

“Jackie has gone fat, Ammi,” I commented as I picked up another kebab. “Yes. But she is losing now as she is on a slimming medicine.” My hand stopped mid-way.

“What?” I couldn't believe my ears. Jackie on a slimming medicine!

“Yes. It is by some German homeopath doctor. No side effect. See her curves are showing now.”

I had no clue where one should look for curves in a dog’s body and I believed my mother. After all, who knows Jackie's anatomy better than her?

I got tempted enough to check Jackie's medicine chest and then take a swig from her bottle. If this German doctor can help our dog regain her curves, I am sure his magic potion can help me reduce the convexity of my unwanted bulges too. I asked my mother to get me a complete dose.

Maybe, it's time to invest in a pair of shorts!